The Curse of…Proverbs?
by PrincessLesse
Summary: A counter-curse botched causes something that really isn't all of anything. Perhaps it's just something that will cause Harry distress! No, it's the Curse of...Proverbs?


Standard disclaimers apply.  I don't own Harry Potter, that honour goes to JK Rowling.  Anyhow, if you must know, this takes after the fashion of my "Answering Machine Frenzy!" fic for CCS.  ^^;;  I hope this one will be similarly amusing.

**The Curse of…Proverbs?**

Harry, Ron, and Hermione were sitting and debating, as per usual.  I'm sure you know how all of this goes, "No, Ron, it _isn't_ like that."  

"Of _course_ it is, Hermione!"  

"Ron, Hermione, will you two please quit bickering."  

"Shut up, Harry, you're not in this."

And so this started their normal days, as was life at Hogwarts.  Ron and Hermione bickered, Harry tried to placate them, and then they rounded on poor Harry.  The arguments never really amounted to anything, as Hermione who knew everything always won.  Ron, who normally rebutted her logical responses, would be upset, and Harry, who was usually the mediator (Not one for getting in fights with Hermione, as he knew there was no point.), stopped the fights between the two, or just simply left them alone.  No, his fights were left for the evil, nasty, hurtful, and all around bad guy (read: Slytherin) Draco Malfoy.

One day, when they truly thought that their fights could escalate into no more, He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named, the Dark Lord, His Darkness, the Lord of All That is Dark, You-Know-Who (Which is a personal favourite—you know you love it, too!) a.k.a. Lord Voldemort decided to try an attack on Hogwarts.  As all of you know, The Only Man He Ever Feared was the Headmaster of Hogwarts, so most of his cunning ideas were thwarted.  Yet, in doing so, the curse ended up having a decidedly _different_ effect.  It cursed the inhabitants of Hogwarts to speak in proverbs, adages, and all around good and moral advice.  Well, it wasn't _all_ the time, but mainly most of the time.  So just imagine all the good advice that was floating around.  You could understand how this upset the Slytherins.  

The first person who realized that there was something a bit different happened to be (Of course!) Hermione.

"Guys, I believe that something is wrong!"

"Why do you say that, Hermione?" Harry asked.

Instead of getting the usual answer that came from Hermione, they instead received some very good advice.

"_A man with one chopstick goes hungry_."

Harry quirked an ebony eyebrow, and his mouth formed a small 'o'.

"Again, why?"

If you wonder why Harry isn't speaking in proverbs and adages, it's because he has had plenty of practice with fighting the Dark Arts, as this most surely was!  He was Harry Potter; of course, there was hardly anything he couldn't do.

Ron looked between the two, and his eyes narrowed at Hermione.  Surely this must be some trick!  Either that, or Draco Malfoy had something to do with this, the sneaky little ferret!

"Hermione, quit being such a duffer, you're confusing poor Harry over here."  Harry merely closed his eyes and rubbed his temples.

Hermione's eyes became wide, and her next response was indignant and yet purposeful.  "_You can lead a fool to wisdom, but you cannot make him think_."

Harry, that dashingly wonderful bloke that he is, decided to keep his mouth shut, as he knew that might've not just been useful information that Hermione was spouting.  Ron, on the other hand, started sputtering.  He couldn't believe that Hermione would say such a thing to him!

"Oh yeah!  Well, _silence is one of the most effective forms of communication_!"

Ron's eyes got big, and he looked around, as if asking, "Who did that?  Tell me now before I curse you!"

Harry stared at the two of them, and he scratched his beautiful head.  He was wondering, "What on earth is happening here?  It's Dark; I feel it.  Surely it must be Voldemort!"

Hermione, who of course had the problem solved, huffed indignantly and put her hands on her hips.

"Accio Parchment!" Hermione managed to call out before another good advice attack hit her.  She sighed unhappily as she pulled out the quill that was stuck in her hair and wrote, "I believe that this is a curse.  I'm sure I've read about it somewhere.  Perhaps we should see Dumbledore!"

Harry and Ron nodded, not sure if they should open their mouths for fear of more good information.

On the way to the gargoyle, they passed by McGonagall, who looked like she was unsure of what to do.  She saw them, and waved them over.  She narrowed her eyes and opened her mouth, clearly intending to ask, "And where do you three think you're going?"  Instead it came out as, "_Men who eat prunes get a good run for their money_."

Harry, Hermione, and Ron blanched, their active imaginations running rampant with this newfound visual.  It wasn't as if they didn't know this, but it coming out of McGonagall's mouth—no, not something one would like to think of.

"Professor?" Harry asked bravely.  Again, the Boy Who Lived and all that rot and fighting Dark forces…

She shook her head and set them off with a wave of her hand.  She looked dazed and lost.  Harry, Hermione, and Ron took the golden opportunity and scurried off down the corridor to the gargoyle.  Once there, they tried saying the password by guessing different types of sweets.

"Cockroach Clusters!" said Harry.

"_Proofread carefully to see if you any words out_," Hermione said after a moment.  She scowled at the bad pun.  Rolling her eyes, as if to say, "Now really!" she coughed and cleared her throat.

"Fizzing Whizbees," Hermione said after a while.  Ron nodded at this, deciding that this was his cue.

"Ice Mice!"

The three looked at each other, apparently deciding that this wasn't going as well as they wanted.  Harry said the next magical sweet that came to his mind.

"Canary Creams!"

Ron looked at Harry as if he was a bit dense.  Why would Dumbledore have a Weasley Twins' product name as his password?  Ron was about to tell him so when he was proved wrong and, the stone gargoyle turned to reveal the stairs.

Ron and Hermione exchanged glances, as Harry stood looking quite proud of his accomplishment.  They ascended the stairs, Hermione first and Harry taking the rear.  As they got to the door, Hermione knocked quickly and walked in after a quick five seconds of waiting.

"_A monkey never thinks her baby's ugly_," Hermione said as a form of greeting.  She sighed at the proverb and walked in.  Ron stood next to her, and Harry hung back in the shadows.

"Ah!  What is it I can help you with today?  _Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first_, or perhaps _it is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious._"

Hermione looked at Dumbledore disapprovingly, much like Professor McGonagall might do.  She tapped her foot and glared pointedly at Ron and Harry.  They shrugged their shoulders.  They did a mental rock, paper, scissors with Ron winning.

"Professor, what on earth is happening?  Why is everyone spouting good advice?"

Dumbledore looked gravely at Harry and put his hand on his chin, the other stroking his abnormally long beard.

"Harry, _if you have to ask, you're not entitled to know_."

Harry's mouth dropped open at this tidbit of information.  Was Dumbledore really trying to tell him that he should figure this out on his own?  What—what righteousness!  Hare dare he!

"_If you don't like the answer, you shouldn't have asked the question_," Dumbledore said again, his eyes grave and his usual twinkle gone.

At this, Ron's terror filled voice filled the room.

"**_A dog is wiser than a woman; it does not bark at its master!_**"

Harry and Dumbledore nodded at such wise information and sighed.  Things really were going to hell.  A shriek and a loud crack followed that proclamation as they watched Hermione stomp out of the room with the last words, "_An Englishman will burn his bed to catch a flea!_"

Harry nodded again at this.  "Too true, too true," he said after a moment.

Ron's mouth was set in a grim line as the angry mark stood out in sharp relief on his face.

"_Butter would not melt in her mouth_," said he.

The two boys looked at the Professor, and he merely twinkled down at them, his grin holding true to what he said earlier and what he was saying now.

"_When eating an elephant, take one bite at a time_."

Harry and Ron took the information to their hearts as they ran down the stairs and to the Great Hall.  Surely there would be clues there for them.  As they ran to the front doors, Ron opened it and walked in first, followed by a morose Harry.  He had gotten morose on the way down the stairs.  It wasn't March yet, why should he have to worry about another Dark attack at this time?

Passing Lavender on the way to the Gryffindor table shown some perspective on their problem.

"_Do not speak of secrets in a field that is full of little hills._"

Ron nodded and decided that was perhaps the best good advice that he had gotten all afternoon.

"Ron, I don't understand," Harry started.

Ron stared at him solemnly and said, "_A peacock that sits on its tail is just another turkey_."

Harry nodded thoughtfully, chewing on his lip.  "I really need to get this curse, or spell, or whatever it is under wraps.  I'm tired of all this good advice."

Harry thumped his chin and set himself to the task of saving the world…er Hogwarts.  Anyhow, Harry walked towards the Slytherin table, and he glared at his beautifully evil arch nemesis, Draco Malfoy.

"What did you do, Malfoy?"

Draco looked up at Harry, surprised that he wasn't speaking in proverbs, adages, etc… Then he narrowed his eyes and sighed at the simplicity of Gryffindors.  Evil=Slytherin and vice versa.  Draco opened his mouth and decided to straighten Harry out.

"_Let a smile be your umbrella on a rainy, rainy day…and you'll get a stiff neck, and may even drown_."

Harry narrowed his eyes.  Apparently sarcastic adages chose those who would use it to the best.

"Very funny, Malfoy.  Why don't you just fess up and realize that this could all be handled if you would just end the stupid curse."

Draco sighed and said pointedly to Harry, "_Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday_."

Harry tilted his head in confusion at this (And, boy and girl, did he look adorable!) and he glanced at Draco.  "What?"

Draco looked like he was about to tear out his hair, but he stopped and swallowed a couple of breaths before he finally said, "Bugger off, Potter."

Harry's eyes widened and his smirk was smug.  "A-ha!  I knew it was you!  Give it up, Malfoy, we know this is some devious plot of Voldemort's and you're only carrying out his underhanded scheme!"

Draco looked at Harry before he asked dryly, "You've been reading those mystery novels again?"

Harry blushed before he asked, "So what if I have?"

Draco looked like he had a snappy retort, but it was lost because he said instead, "_Inside every large problem is a small problem struggling to get out_."

Harry scowled at him and crossed his arms.  "I knew I shouldn't have came over here.  This is what I get, a bunch of sarcastic adages."

Harry turned around to walk back to the Gryffindor table, and he sat down next to Ron.  Ron was scowling and glaring daggers at Hermione.  Harry shrugged and grabbed a goblet of pumpkin juice.

"_Men who scratch their ass should not bite their fingernails_," Hermione said matter-of-factly as she cut up her pork chops.

Ron scowled as he glanced at Harry and said, "_A poor beauty finds more lovers than husbands_."

Ron nodded at this and took a large bite out of his roll.  Harry's head was starting to hurt.  Before he could actually grab his plate, Dumbledore stood up and made an announcement.

"_If you can't understand it, it is intuitively obvious_."  Dumbledore twinkled at everyone in the Great Hall and they all gave polite claps, looking at each other in confusion.

"And _an answer may be wrong, right, both, or neither. Most answers are partly right and partly wrong_."

Thunderous applause happened at this statement, perhaps because it was something that made a bit of Dumbledore sense.  He was wont to make unnatural comments every so often.  Yet, at these words, Harry had a feeling that there was something that he should understand.  Dumbledore had said comments that linked to one another.

Before Harry could ponder this any further, Ginny Weasley said something that attracted his attention very much.

"_Virginity is like a bubble, one prick and it's gone_."

Ron's face turned very red very fast.  He glared at any boy who had looked towards Ginny, who was smiling slightly.

"Ginny Weasley, don't you ever, and I mean **ever** say that again," Ron told her through clenched teeth.  It wasn't as if the proverb was bad, it was that Ginny said it with this _tone_ in her voice.  Harry was still staring.  Then he scowled and turned away.  He didn't have time to think about that.  He had to piece together all the clues that Dumbledore was giving him.

"_Eat well, drink in moderation, and sleep around.  In these three, good health is abound_," Ginny said again.  Harry dribbled pumpkin juice on his chin before wiping it quickly and avoiding Ron's gaze.

"Ginny!  Do you want me to owl Mum?"

Ginny scowled at him, but her scowl quickly turned into a grin.  "Oh, Ron, it isn't as if I can control what comes out of my mouth all the time."

Harry glanced at them, and he grinned slightly.  Ah, sibling quarrels.  Cue angst and depression mode on which Harry is upset he doesn't have a family that loves him.  Alright, end depression and angst mode.

"_The moon is made of green cheese_," Seamus said from down the table.  Dean nodded to him and said in reply, "_You cannot unscramble eggs_."

Harry shook his head in wonderment.  He wondered if this was what went through people's heads when they were sitting alone.  He stood up and left the table, deciding that perhaps he couldn't be around all these people with not just good advice anymore, but abnormally weird advice as well.

Heading to the library, Harry stopped and poked his head in, to make sure that there wasn't anyone there to make Harry have to listen to their nonsense.

Stepping in, he went to sit down at one of the tables in the back.  He groaned when he heard two voices.

"_You can't hatch chickens from fried eggs_."

"_A watched pot never boils_."

Harry's head fell to the table, and he banged it repeatedly until he didn't hear the voices any longer.  He sighed in joy, as there wasn't any more noise.  Yes, of course everyone was giving good advice, but it seemed so lost on everyone in the castle.  It wasn't as if anyone was actually listening to them!

"Oh, jeez, Potter, quit feeling sorry for yourself."

Harry looked up to see Draco staring at him, his hands placed on his hips.  Harry narrowed his eyes and glared at Draco.

"What do you want Malfoy?"

It took a while for Draco to reply, because it looked as if he was trying to fight off the curse.

"I want to know how you can keep your sanity—if that's what you want to call it."

"Go piss off, Malfoy, I don't need to hear your whinging."

Harry was surprised when the chair in front of him scraped, and Draco sat down directly opposite him.  He was sneering at Harry, and his nose was pointed up in disdain.

"_To thine own self be true, and lie like hell to everyone else_."

Harry rolled his eyes at Draco, and he sneered at him in return.  "Something you live by, Malfoy?"

Malfoy rolled his eyes as well and he huffed and crossed his arms.  He leaned his chair back precariously on two legs, and glared at Harry through half-lidded eyes.

"So, Potter, how is it you plan on stopping this curse?"

"I don't.  It's not my problem.  Everyone is giving good information, why should I stop that?"

"_Every ass loves to hear himself bray_."

Harry nodded in affirmation and said more to himself than to Draco, "That is why."

Draco, the gorgeous beast that he is, grinned at Harry.  "Well, it's getting easier at fighting this off.  I wonder why, Mudblood Granger has been trying for hours, and she keeps spouting information.  Although, that may just be her talking."

Harry stood up, and the chair fell behind him.  "Don't you ever call her that again!  You do, and I'll hex you until your grandchildren feel the repercussions!"

Draco glanced at Harry and snorted.  "Your comebacks suck."

"Oh yeah, your mummy!"

Draco's eyes narrowed and he said in a low voice, "Don't talk about my mummy that way, you little scar head!"

"Oh, who's the one with the suck-arse comebacks, ferret-boy?"

Draco narrowed at Harry for bringing up a sore point in Draco's history at Hogwarts.  He sneered at Harry and said, "Well, it looks as if the spouting out of good information has ceased.  I suppose that I won't need your help after all, Potter."

"Run and leave, it's all your good at doing anyhow," Harry said in return.

Draco flew him the birdie and walked to the library door.  He opened his mouth to give him a witty response and said instead, "_Let he who is without sin cast the first stone; you may, however, hurl insults and innuendo anytime_."

Draco's eyes widened, and he groaned softly.  He walked towards Harry and one he got nearer, he said, "It's bloody being around you!  One has to be around you to end the stupid curse!"

Harry looked surprised as he pointed at himself.  Then he turned around to make sure no one was standing behind him.

Draco rolled his eyes and sighed, "Yes, Potter, I was talking about you."

"That doesn't make any sense, though!"

"You're telling me!  I have to spend my time around you so I don't spout proverbs every five minutes!"

"No, you sod, Hermione and Ron weren't able to quit saying them."

Draco narrowed his eyes at him and spat, "Are you positive?  Then perhaps it's the library."  
  


Harry sneered, "Of course it's the library.  Any junior sleuth could've figured that one out."

Draco merely looked at Harry and shook his head.  He said this after a moment, "Again, Potter, too many mystery novels."

Harry blushed before he cleared his throat and said, "What does the library have to do with the curse though?"

"Everything, Harry, everything."

Harry and Draco turned around to find Dumbledore standing in the doorway.  They stared at him when he walked closer into the library, standing next to them and glancing at all of the titles of the books.

"Of course, I thought you might've figured it out, but I suppose you hadn't.  These books contain things that people thought would be worth repeating, so they are here.  All of the things everyone is saying today are things that people say over, to teach a lesson or something of the sort.  _They are worth repeating_.  Of course, this has no semblance to a moral lesson, just the fact that I blotched up on a counter-curse."

Harry looked at Dumbledore gravely.  "So, what truly happened?"

"There was a curse that was supposed to turn brother against brother and friend against friend.  Voldemort was hoping that you'd leave in the chance that he could kill your or you join him.  Either would've suited him."

"But I would've eventually have had to die, it said so in the Prophecy."

"Prophecy?  What prophecy are you talking about, Potter?" Draco asked Harry, his eyebrow was raised in speculation.

"Ah, something that doesn't concern you, Mister Malfoy," Dumbledore told him, his eyes twinkling.

"But how do I stop the curse?"

"Hmm… oh that?  Well, all you have to do is read a proverb yourself and all of this will end.  You are the Boy Who Lived; you're the kid who saves the day.  Only you are able to do the things you can do… well, besides Voldemort on some aspects, as well as the love bit.  Almost everyone has love."

Harry nodded; this should be simple enough.  He pulled a large tome from one of the shelves, Draco and Dumbledore watching him apprehensively.

"_Anything that can go wrong will go wrong_."

"Exactly, Harry, exactly," Dumbledore told him as he swept out of the library, his purple cloak billowing out behind him.

"Malfoy?"

"What?"

"This really did just happen, right?"

"No, it was a figment of your imagination.  _Cockiness is that self-assured feeling you have just before you realize you should have known better_."


End file.
